Most advice on this topic stops at "have a gentle conversation" — useful, but not much help once you've had that conversation three times and nothing's changed. This picks up from there: what to actually do when talking hasn't worked, or isn't going to work in time.
One thing worth knowing upfront, because it surprises a lot of families: state DMVs are explicit that they don't act on age alone. Every step below needs to be grounded in a real, documented safety concern, not just the fact that someone is getting older.
In this guide
Start with their doctor
Many families find this route lands better than a family member raising it directly — a physician's assessment can feel less personal and harder to dismiss as "you're just being overprotective." In five states (California, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, and Pennsylvania), doctors are actually required by law to report certain medical conditions that could affect driving safety. In every state, a doctor can choose to file a report or recommend a formal driving evaluation, even where it isn't mandatory.
A certified driving rehabilitation specialist — often found through an occupational therapy referral — can also run a formal, objective driving evaluation, which sometimes carries more weight with a resistant parent than a family opinion, precisely because it isn't one.
Filing a DMV medical review yourself
Most states allow a family member to file a medical review request directly with the state DMV (sometimes called a "driver condition report" or similar), not just physicians or law enforcement. A few states are more restrictive about who can initiate one — Massachusetts generally routes reports through healthcare providers or law enforcement, for example. Because this varies by state, your state DMV's own medical review page is the reliable source, not a general guide like this one.
What tends to matter for the report: specific, documented concerns (near-misses, getting lost on familiar routes, new dents or scrapes on the car) rather than general statements about age. In some states, a family member's identity as the reporter stays confidential from the driver; in others it doesn't — worth checking before filing if that matters to your situation.
What happens after a report is filed
The process is broadly similar across most states, though details vary:
- The DMV requests information — typically a medical report, vision report, or both, sometimes directly from the treating physician
- A re-examination may be scheduled — this can include a vision test, written test, or an actual road test
- The DMV decides an outcome — no action, a restricted license (daytime only, local roads only), or suspension/revocation, depending on what the evaluation shows
This process usually takes weeks, not days — worth factoring in if the safety concern feels urgent, since it isn't an immediate fix.
If they keep driving anyway
This is the part most guides skip. If a license is restricted or revoked and driving continues anyway, or if the situation feels urgent before any formal process completes, families end up weighing a few blunt options: relocating the car, disabling it, or simply not keeping keys accessible. None of these are pleasant, and they can genuinely damage trust — worth treating as a last resort after the doctor and DMV routes, not a first move.
The liability question is worth taking seriously too: if you know a family member is unsafe to drive and they cause harm while still driving, that knowledge can matter in a liability claim. This isn't something to guess about — for a real concern, a conversation with an elder law attorney is worth the cost.
Transportation alternatives that actually work
Having real alternatives already lined up — not just "there are options" but an actual plan — makes every step above easier, since a lot of the resistance is really fear of losing mobility altogether, not the driving itself:
- Rideshare with a caregiver assist option — some rideshare apps offer phone-based booking specifically for people without a smartphone, worth checking what's available locally
- Family rotation schedule — a shared calendar splitting regular trips (groceries, appointments, church) across family members tends to hold up better than one person absorbing it all
- Area Agency on Aging transportation programs — many regions have low-cost senior transportation through local aging services; the Eldercare Locator (a federal service) can connect you to your local agency
- Senior center or community shuttles — often free or low-cost for regularly scheduled trips
Common questions
What do you do when an elderly parent refuses to stop driving?
Next steps usually include involving their doctor, filing a DMV medical review report, and lining up transportation alternatives before the license changes. Most states accept family reports and don't act on age alone — the concern needs to be documented.
Can you report an elderly parent to the DMV for unsafe driving?
In most states, yes — family members can typically file a medical review request, not just physicians. A few states are more restrictive. Five states require physicians to report certain conditions. Check your specific state DMV's process, since it varies.
Is it legal to take away an elderly parent's car keys?
More a practical family question than a legal one in most cases. The bigger consideration is usually liability if you know someone is unsafe and they cause harm while still driving. For a serious concern, worth discussing with an elder law attorney rather than guessing.
This page covers general information, not legal advice. Driving and licensing laws vary by state — check your state DMV's medical review page or speak with an elder law attorney for guidance specific to your situation.
Related reading
If mobility loss is part of a bigger living-situation question, see our home care vs. assisted living guide. If you're the one carrying this conversation, our caregiver burnout guide covers what that toll actually looks like.